Kill List

A ninja is always on the lookout for extraneous words
Photo by glasgow’s finest, used under Creative Commons license

No, that doesn’t say Hit List. It says Kill List, but it is like a Hit List–a hit list to take out words and phrases that don’t help your manuscript!

I’m finishing up revisions on the sequel to Surfacing right now and I’m entering the Kill List phase of my process. I always do this toward the end of revisions, when I’ve done all the major writing and rewriting and now I’m cleaning things up. A Kill List is a list of words that you overuse in your writing. These words and phrases become your crutch, and you may not even know you have a problem with them. It took me a while to even figure out what my crutch words were, but now that I know I can see them scattered all over my manuscripts and see how unnecessary they are. I get emails from aspiring writers asking how to become better writers, so I thought it might be helpful to talk a bit about the writing process. And since Kill Lists are on my mind right now, we’ll dive right in with this.

My major problem is with the word “just.” This was the first word that jumped out at me one day while I was rereading a manuscript. I noticed that I’d write things like this:

“I just don’t think that we can just sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara just shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal that aliens were just taking over our neighborhood. I looked at her and saw that she was still just playing with her Nintendo DS.

That’s slightly exaggerated, but you get the point. There are “justs” all over my first drafts. Somehow, they sneak in there when I’m not looking. They don’t add anything to the story. Consider this rewrite:

“I don’t think that we can sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal that aliens were taking over our neighborhood. I looked at her and saw that she was still playing with her Nintendo DS.

It could still use some work, but it sounds better than the first version and we don’t even miss the “justs”! After that, I realized the value of a Kill List and created my own to use during revisions. You might not have a “just” problem. What about “that”? I find this a lot in my own manuscript. Here’s another rewrite of the above sentences:

“I don’t think we can sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal that aliens were taking over our neighborhood. I looked at her and saw she was still playing with her Nintendo DS.

Notice I left the “that” in the second sentence? Sometimes “that” is needed, but be very selective of them.

Or maybe your problem is something else. How about “really” or “actually”? Or even “looked” and “saw”? How often are your characters looking at things? If you write in first person like I usually do, try taking out the “I looked at” or “I saw” parts of the sentences. Can they still stand on their own, with the “I looked” or “I saw” part implied but not written?

“I don’t think we can sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal that aliens were taking over our neighborhood. She was still playing with her Nintendo DS.

I rewrote the third sentence in that instance to remove the “I looked at her and saw” part.

We’ve already eliminated a few words from our kill list, but there are still things that can be done. What about “I think” or in this case “I don’t think”? What about the weak verbs “were” and “was” in the second paragraph?

“We can’t sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal that aliens ruled over our neighborhood. She played with her Nintendo DS.

Common gestures like “smiled” or “shrugged” can be very much overused. My characters smile, shrug, and roll their eyes a lot in the first drafts. I hunt these down and try to use some new actions. A smile is perfectly fine every now and then, but aren’t your characters’ cheeks hurting if you’re having them smile every three paragraphs? Try to find other actions to convey your characters’ emotional states.

“We can’t sit here and do nothing,” I said.

But Sara played with her Nintendo DS, as if it didn’t concern her that aliens now ruled over our neighborhood.

Still not the greatest two sentences I’ve ever written, but you get the idea. 🙂 Figure out what your kill list is. I gave a few examples above, but there are many more on my own list. Here are some:

There was/There is
Almost as if
closed my/her/his eyes
really
very
seriously
began
started to
kind of/sort of
of the
well
so
felt
believed
knew
seem
even
-ly words (adverbs. Use them sparingly! Be selective. [See what I did there? ;)])

There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these words or phrases, but when overused they can slow down your story and don’t create strong, active writing. What words would be on your Kill List? Take a look at your own writing and find repetitive words or phrases. Then do a search in your stories and eliminate them. Be ruthless. Your story will be stronger!