Passive and unnecessary words

I always have to make sure I search my manuscripts for the word was. I don’t think that it has to be taken out in every situation, but I do use it way too often. From today’s editing:

“Hey!” I heard a familiar voice exclaim as the science teacher, Mr. Smith, was giving me my textbook. (Changed to “handed me my textbook.”)

I was at the sink washing my hands when a girl stepped out of one of the stalls. (Changed to “I stood at the sink…”)

I was uncertain if I should interrupt, but Willow gestured toward the empty chair next to her when she saw me approach. (Changed to “I hesitated, not wanting to interrupt…”)

Behind them, a crowd was forming as other students wanted to get a look at Emma Anders too. (Changed to “a crowd formed…”)

Her face was shining and her blue eyes sparkled with excitement. (Changed to “Her face shone…”)

“I just realized I don’t have a locker yet,” I told them as I looked at the way my backpack was hanging nearly to the floor with the weight of the books inside it. (Changed “was hanging” to “hung.”)

Those are only a few examples from within a five page range. I also have a problem with the word “just.” I stick it everywhere. “I was just saying…” “I just wanted to…” “I just sat down…” I let myself put all the justs I want while writing the first draft, then I do a search and take at least 90% of them out.

I’m now on my fourth time through this particular manuscript. I can’t believe all these passive phrases still slipped by me in previous edits.

6 comments

  1. lizzybee999 says:

    Was Just Reading…

    LOL…I have a ‘just’ problem, too! Good idea to edit specifically for these types of words…I have a list of them.
    Thanks for the reminder!

    • brandie_writer says:

      “I have to do an entire editing pass devoted to that word alone!”

      Wow, talk about an inflated sentence! I think I need to quit for the day. 🙂

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